Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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