i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
