Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
