Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
