Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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