Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
