Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
