why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
