I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize