We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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