Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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