I think im going to throw up on grandma
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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