broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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