So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize