So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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