Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize