Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
