and you said cock pushups were impossible
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
