Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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