nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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