I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
