Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
