Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
