I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
