I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
