Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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