Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
