I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
