I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Houston, we have a squirter
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
