Got a toothbrush?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
