census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
