Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
