Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
