Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
