Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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