dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
