im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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