Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
