So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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