I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
