felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
