I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
