I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
