I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm too high and old for this...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
