why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
