My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
