im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
