Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just found puke in my bra..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
