yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
