To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
