**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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