Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
