Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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