ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
