Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
