I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
