her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
