im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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