How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
