I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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