last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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