You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
