i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize