Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize