thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
