When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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