my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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