Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Randomize
