Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize