evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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