I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize