WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
