You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we're so committed to being not committed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
