boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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