Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
